Fit vs. Fiction's Blog


Why My Recovery is like a big piece of Chocolate cake!

A big slice of triple layered chocolate cake.

Freedom looks different to different people. To me, this morning,the piece of cake sitting on the plate in front of me is a symbol of Freedom to me.

As I sit in this coffee shop, surrounded by strangers working on their laptops or chatting with friends, I stare at the piece of chocolate cake sitting in front of me and wonder if it can possibly taste as good as it smells.Three layers of chocolate cake separated by generous amounts of rich,dark chocolate icing. I’m ready. I pick up the fork to my right and without a second’s hesitation,grab a forkful and put it in my mouth. The cake is moist,sweet, creamy and delicious. To most people, it’s just a good piece of cake; to me, it’s Freedom and if this is what Freedom tastes like, than count me in!

I finish my slice and push my plate aside. I can feel the big smile plastered on my face and wonder if the people around me are wondering what this crazy woman, sitting by herself is smiling about. If they only knew how much self control I was exercising right now and how close I was to jumping out of my seat to do cartwheels across the floor in celebration of my accomplishment!

It’s not the cake itself that’s got me giddy, although, it is a damn good slice of pastry, the reason for my jubilation is the fact that for the first time in close to 20 years, I have been able to eat and enjoy something strictly because it tasted good,without analyzing it’s calorie or fat content. I didn’t have to prepare for the event by restricting my food intake the entire week before and do not plan on trying to compensate for the additional calories by restricting my food the rest of the day. There will be no beating myself up over a perceived lack of willpower and will not extend my next workout in an effort to burn the extra fat grams. Instead, I will simply appreciate the delicious snack and go on with my life!

Does this seem a tad overdramatic? Perhaps. But in the life of someone struggling with body image issues, every situation where food is involved brings along more than its fair share of drama.It’s exhausting. Which is why,on this day,this slice of cake is such a huge symbol of Freedom for me. Being able to see the cake, want the cake, order the cake, eat the cake and then simply forget about the cake,is a huge step on the path to my recovery. The Freedom I feel comes from the amount of anxiety,energy and guilt I’ve been able to release once I began to regain the control of my life that I had once completely relinquished to my body image issues. The weight I carried on my shoulders from my eating disorder was significantly heavier than than that of anything I could have eaten,so in turn, eating the foods that had previously evoked terror from me,made me feel lighter than I had in years.

Eat cake, feel lighter. Who knew?

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  1. […] disorders are difficult to understand for the unafflicted. In Why My Recovery is Like a Big Piece of Chocolate Cake, Marci Warhaft-Nadler, founder of Fit vs Ficti…, gives first-hand insight into the psychology behind […]


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